A Maverick Life: a biography about former Alberta Premier Ralph Klein. Prior to reading it in 2001, I hadn't taken much of an interest in provincial politics.
I did indeed have the opportunity of briefly meeting with Prime Minister Brian Mulroney as a member of a small student delegation in 1986. I haven't since been within spitting distance of any senior level politician. He seemed a bit distracted, but was otherwise accommodating to our tiny and inquisitive group of top students who were selected to visit Parliament Hill that day.
Smoke and mirrors. Nepotism and favoritism. A world of insiders, bewildering to outsiders. This is Canadian politics. Folks putting their law degrees and debating smarts to use. Empty promises and talking points. Scandal and corruption. Media propaganda. Dividing and conquering. I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine. Transparency and secrecy. Clubs and committees. Slush funds and trust funds. Private deals and public outrage. This is Canadian governance... and it's mostly all negative!
It seems like a great job if you can get it. Getting paid an attractive salary just to pretend you really give a shit about anything other than making it to the finish line: maximum pensionable earnings - just over yonder. Hang in there, Duffy!
From a sweat-equity standpoint, I imagine politics at the provincial level is, on average, and depending on assignment or department, a bit of a walk-in-the-park from a federal perspective. Less tedious. Minor leagues. If times are good, the biggest decision you might be faced with throughout your entire term as premier of a province may not be any more complex than: Gee, isn't it time we replaced that aging fleet of government limos?
People want to believe your lies.
Ordinary workers want to hear that their pursuits are not in vain - that they might get a shot at retiring with dignity before they're 75 years old.
Students want to believe that they can waltz into a corner office somewhere after they graduate.
Seniors want to know that their trusty pill bottles will continue to be affordable.
Small business wants unfettered access to cheap labour and hiring incentives.
Special interest groups want a promise of increased funding, and the chronically unemployed want more subsidies and reassurances that someone's looking out for their immediate interests.
The chattering classes expect accountability, and the middle class wants tax relief and low interest rates so they can have more disposable income to shop at Home Depot with.
Are you up to the task?
"Child's play," shouts Simple Simon, the campaigning challenger to the throne.
"I'm Simple Simon, and Simon says: just check my box and I'll give you all that AND a bag of chips!"
And what do I want?
I want entertainment! To continue my erstwhile path of contributing as little as possible to these hucksters - to sit back and watch the shenanigans unfold. Nothing brightens my day more than to watch the smiles of the average idealistic "hope & change" voters get slowly turned upside-down as each successive campaign promise emphatically made by their star candidate is reneged upon. I love to see the illusions shattered. People looking at you in disbelief as you patiently explain the difference between a democracy, and a constitutional monarchy that preaches democracy for the sake of convenience. Watching the tears roll down the cheek as I carefully explain that Santa Clause is just a silly hoax. Pulling somebody's head out of the sand, and kicking them in the teeth before screaming, "I told you so!"
One minus two equals negative one, you putz! THAT... will never change!
I'm tired of the exercise... exercising my right to vote is just a waste of time. I think I'd rather use that hour it takes to line-up at the ballots to instead orchestrate a run for some unchallenged riding. Get elected, and get a nice pension after a couple of years of public "service" from the backbench. Resign and retire to my music studio with a monthly stipend - compliments of the toiling workforce... but not before making a few backroom deals with real estate developers to help fund my expensive hobbies!
Be a goat! Don't vote!
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