Just keep on plugging away at it;

I don't usually do the blog thing when I'm half-smashed, but this old laptop computer speaks to me. I have more than 850 followers on Twitter, and I'd estimate better than 89% of them are legitimate. I know this because I make a point of sussing-out my followship from time to time: blocking the bots, as I call it.

It's good to be on Google. It feels good to me.

Missing the days when caller I.D. was just a component of some geekazoid's premature ejaculate. No more tricking your buddies parents into thinking it's the fuzz calling about their wayward son. Me and pals used to amuse ourselves for hours on end making prank calls.

Whatever. Where I live, the kids got it made. I see youngsters driving stuff I might never afford - racy quads and side-by-sides. All I ever had to play with growing-up was Coleman camp fuel and gunpowder!

One of my favorite thing to do is to get drunk. Once I'm drunk, I revisit all the music videos I've uploaded to You Tube over the last few years - forty in total. As a musician who never stops growing, the practice is sometimes painful - I always think, "Man... I should've laid-off the solo guitar on that part..."

My playing is sloppy, but no matter. I'm glad to have had the opportunity to share the piss that pump. I invite you to listen to this video (I'd like to do better videos, but it's so time consuming)

Family Dog Attacked By Flock Of Birds, Dad Grabs Camera Phone.

Jackson Hole, ID In what could have been a scene from the 1963 film adaptation of Alfred Hitchcock's evidently plausible tale, The Birds, an Idaho family's tiny pet dog, Frosty, was nearly pecked to death by a flock of wild canaries right before their eyes.

"I heard shrill wailing. Our son Daniel, who is five, was jumping up and down, frantically pointing out the window. No! Frosty! Stop birdies!" says Daniel's father, Yves Keystrom. 

"I didn't think twice when I saw what a mess those birds made..."

He continues, "It was devestating. I thought, finally I'll get some good footage - something worthy of uploading to You Tube... and, of course, my camera phone is indicating a low battery."

Click here to see Yves Keystrom's Footage of the event.

Miranda Keystrom, Daniel's mother, witnessed the surreal feeding frenzy. She estimates the attack didn't last more than two minutes. 

"There must have been around forty to sixty tiny little birds. They just swooped in like a bunch of those wayward youths who coordinate those retail swarming events. Poor Frosty. We named him Frosty because of his fluffy, silvery coat. By the time those nasty little birds were through, his fur was bright red," she says.

Yves went on to explain how the unexpected tragedy was actually somewhat of a relief to him.

"I didn't think twice when I saw what a mess those birds made of Frosty. His eyes were pulled clean from their sockets, and the insides of his neck were hanging out. I immediately grabbed the pitchfork from the tool shed and skewered his little heart with it," describes the currently unemployed TV repairman. 

"I can't afford the gasoline to get to the nearest clinic let alone vet bills."

Mrs. Keystrom agreed. 

"He was a pretty stupid dog anyway. He'd do the dumbest things - like spin in circles trying to catch his own tail, or whimper and whine whenever we left him alone. Every night he'd try to cuddle in bed with me and Yves. To tell you the truth, I was getting sick of feeding and cleaning-up after a walking mop head."  

Daniel Keystrom's only thoughts on the matter were, "I want Frosty to come back."

Wonders Never Cease

As you may or may not know, esteemed reader, I was born in a place called Medley, which is in Alberta.

After hearing on the radio today that the Executive Director of Alberta's PC party announce a move to electronic voting for his party's internal leadership election, I got to thinking:

1) Thomas Lucaszick will be the next Premier of Alberta.

2) Electronic voting will be implemented in the next provincial election.

3) Stephen Mandel is a distraction to quell the electorate.

Prentice and McIvor will split the vote. Thomas will enjoy the distinction of being the leader of the "kiss me and smile for me" party.

Why electronic voting? Why now?

I believe this internal vote is a dry run... a way to ascertain the potential of getting away with voter fraud. Plain and simple. If it works internally then let's push the envelope in the next provincial election, right?

Given all the money I'm making now, I won't even bother voting for any of these shysters this year. Sheer disgust is what I'm feeling right now.

Ask yourself, true Albertan, where would Mandel be without Katz?

Where would've Alison Redford be without a fleet of provincially fueled aircraft?

I actually like how Redford "stuck it to the man" in her own way. I called it waaaaay back. She had a nice holiday, and her daughter got to see some sights and feel important. Way to go, Alison. Good job.

I'm actually happy to see him TENTATIVELY running. I'm so glad he dis-mandeled the airport! Way to go Daryl... I mean Stephen.

"Coffee's On" - Franchise Potential?

If I were ever in a position to start-up a cafe with chain potential, I'd want to call it, "Coffee's On", and I'd like for the sign to look something like this:

It'd be a 24-hour service with a drive through. It would not accept debit or credit payments - if exempting one's business from such forms of payment is even an option when operating a restaurant in Canada?

Coffee's On would serve coffee. No cream, no sugar - just strong black coffee from freshly ground Columbia coffee beans. No frills, no napkins, no straws, no bagels, no donuts, no marketing gimmicks.... just coffee... in one of two sizes: large and small. The coffee would be brewed using Italian coffee percolators sitting atop gas ranges, and the lineups would move rapidly. The girls serving it should be pretty.

Price? Coffee's On will set its prices 20% / volume lower than Tim Horton's restaurant's pricing scheme... like an independent gasoline station might.

What do you think, Scrutinizing Reader? Is the coffee on, or is the coffee on?

False Implication & Alcoholic Finance

Greetings everyone!

It's been a spell since I've submitted an update in regard to my own general circumstances. I'd like to tip my hat to all both of my readers who reside in the United Kingdom - thanks for reading. My primary motivation In keeping this web log has always been to foster sympathy for one man's plight in a universe that is categorically opposed to my happiness and well being. Rest assured, esteemed and impartial reader, that I've still got a foothold in reality, and with your help we might defeat the forces of evil once and for all!

As a high functioning alcoholic, I'm hoping my observations surrounding finances might be of interest to some you out there. At face value, finances are just columns of numbers, but each and every number is associated with some value or some ideal - which is of empirical importance in predicting outcomes. Speculative reasoning. Associative predictors. Last year at this time, my wage was less than half of what I've been generating over the last month. The expectations involved with grafting in a short-order kitchen fall well beneath my many qualifications, but I just wanted an job that was within walking distance - something to put a few $20 bills in my pocket.

Now-a-days, I'm putting more $50 bills in my pocket, and my rate of alcoholic consumption, by dollar figures, is only about ten percent higher than when I was earning less than half as much money at the diner. This is beginning to sound like a grade five math problem, so let's just call it $24 / hour, averaging 30 hours per week.

I'm of the opinion that almost all working class Canadians are socialists. I'd consider myself more of a "loveliest" than socialist, but that's a topic for another day.

A web log, or any form of online account on social media, is an excellent means to document events in one's life. Last night I was posited by a close family member, to wit, a first cousin asked me over the telephone, "Blake, is there anything you want to tell me?"

Immediately my mind began racing with possibilities. Did I say something untoward while I was drinking?

"Well (my dear cousin), nothing that should be of any concern to you," was the gist of my response.

"I'm missing some money."

My heart sank.

"You are the only one who was in my house."

Presuming her "piggy bank" was in fact absconded with, and not misplaced, the above statement is undeniably false: namely because I would never even entertain doing such a disgusting thing to anyone - let alone a close family member.

UPDATE: I've edited / retracted portions of this post, and have extracted the remainder for storage in my personal archives for the time being. I was feeling vulnerable at the time I wrote it, and I felt the need to doubly document the nature of the events by publishing the details online. 

Have you ever been falsely implicated of doing something? I know I've pointed the finger at others before, and perhaps the only thing that feels worse than being falsely accused by someone else, is when the target of your accusation is vindicated.