Saturday, January 16, 2010

Those Crazy Canadian Liberals

The year is 2019 and the Liberal Party of Canada has become all but entirely irrelevant to the leaders of the "New World Order" - little more than a standing joke to Canada's now, rigidly overwhelming Conservative minded populace.


Five unlikely companions who just so happen to share an obsession with the life and times of Andy Warhol, reluctantly band together on a journey that is sure to be rife with perilous dangers and unprecedented glory... the quest for the "Lost Lemon".




If they succeed in this last ditch effort to restore the righteous coffers of Canada's (un)original political camp by discovering the whereabouts of the fabled "Lost Lemon", an alleged gold deposit of mythic proportions rumored to be somewhere in the Crow's Nest Pass region of Alberta's majestic Rocky Mountains, they just might have a shot at saving Canada from the wretched tyranny of the Conservatives!


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Father Ignatieff: Finding this so called "Lost Lemon" will be less likely than inadvertently unearthing the day-old excrement of the noble Puffin by way of tripping over oneself, but we need to keep pressing on! Just look for something in the cliffs as shiny as this new Oyster Perpetual Day-Date watch I happen to be wearing right now.


Dr. Morgentaler: Speaking of obsessions with puffins, Father, just please do us a favour and make sure you actually wash your hands before preparing dinner for our little camp tonight... I can hardly believe you really are the best cook amongst the lot of us! No offence, Ben, your boiled and salted green beans with Guinness stewed veal was almost divine, but Father Michael's... what were they again, now, stewed "Prarie Oysters" served upon wild rice patties, were indeed something to write home about, wouldn't you say? I'd take the Prairie Oysters over Fois Gras any day! Comfort food!


Mulroney: Right back at ya there... you should try my Swiss Char casserole.


Father Ignatieff: Your appreciation makes my effort worthwhile. Wash my hands doctor? But why are you now reminding me of this societal given... and whatsoever does it have to do with me trying to tap into my inner Puffin?


All but Michael: (laughter)


Dr. Morgentaller: Oh Father! Haven't you had your H1N1 shot yet? (laughs) I was only considering the chances of EColi transmission to the rest of our party if you continue to so closely imitate the Puffin's propensity to hide it's processed pellet post poop.


Justin: Yeah. That's tellin' him, Doc. Besides, haven't we already quietly reached a consensus that we all would prefer you'd just outright stuff that Puffin stuff altogether? It's effin' queer, Mikey! I mean, come on now...bird watching?


Father: That's *Father* Mikey to you, Lottobot... my son.


All: (Laughter)


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With their Co-op Mountain Equipment TM supplies packed tightly in haunch of the ol' Volkswagon Microbus (converted of course to run on something other than fossil fuels), our cadre of righteous gold seekers, armed with so many hints from the locals, are well poised to actually find this legendary Lost Lemon; rumored to exist in days of yore, and still yet to be claimed- which represents for them, the end of dirty politicking, and the beginning of their version of a socialistic utopia that, whether they realize it or not, any rational minded citizens of Canada should be fast to nurture and embrace.


Unbeknown to our stalwart heroes, however, is that a renegade team of not-so-well wishers from Camp CON, ruthless corporate kowtowing mercenaries made up by Marc Carney, David Rutherford, Steven Harper, and Wayne Gretzky, aren't so keen on seeing these Liberal hucksters gain a leg up so easily as setting up a gold mine.

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