Stack Overflow makes it quite clear that they frown upon the submission of questions exhibiting signs of spontaneity sans investigative effort on the part of the inquisitor, hence my reluctance to wade in there like some jackass who gets drunk and hits-up Twitter on a weeknight. Asking dumb questions can sully one's ranking on this particular website, so I intend to preserve my current good standing by waiting until I've got a real whack-a-mole of a hangup in my script before surrendering my work to expert analysis.
I know enough about coding to know that my code would be considered extremely inelegant and full of needless redundancies by any real acolyte, so prior to almost giving in with an "ask," I renamed the variables - thinking that perhaps such purposeful absurdity might soften the irritatingly pedestrian nature of my question. It was tempting to just ask, especially after hours of bumbling around between round and square brackets, careless typos, and fruitless sifting. In the end, however, I managed to refrain and finally managed to get something working on my own.
Not sure if it's safe to stick in the sidebar of this blog, but I'll try anyway. I present to you esteemed reader, my first triumph in writing JavaScript. Check out the Sackhammer!
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