New Horizons in Commercial Aviation: Introducing "Northeastwest Jet" Airlines

Although hopefully I speak too soon, this piece you're hopefully about to read could potentially be the last entry you see from Understudios for some time to come. The momentous cyber-wave I've been surfing my ideas atop for the last few years (high speed internet through my telephone line) might soon be crashing into the silicone shores. It's nothing I haven't been prepared for, however, as I tend to fly through life by the seat of my pants anyhow, but I did receive some 'important' automated message from my Internet service provider captured faithfully by my digital answering machine. Given my outright negligence toward any mail with little address windows on the envelope lately, I don't imagine it's a happy message, and in terms of my having 24/7 high speed internet access from the comfort of home, the future isn't looking all that friendly, eh Telus?

 Being that I rarely watch cable TV programs, I'm not familiar with very much of the consumer advertising coming down the pipe. I am however exposed to a few advertisers each Sunday when I watch Coronation Street on the CBC website; namely GMC, Charmin, IBM, West Jet, and the Telus ad with the cute little cat playfully swatting at bouncing, whirling graphics. I'd sure like a cat like that, but you can keep your complimentary X-Box. I have enough distractions in my life without the lure of a game station lying around, let me assure you Dear Reader.

West Jet seems to be in damage control mode after some bad press concerning an elderly woman who was refused access to a much needed oxygen tank which was cordoned in the cargo section of the plane, presumably due to the back-up canister's not having it's own regulator attached.

"So we said, 'Well, she has to have oxygen. What are we going to do?' I said, 'Will you let us get off the plane and exchange tanks?' Well no, they wouldn't let me do that," said the woman's daughter, who'd accompanied her on what must've seemed, from their perspective, an absolute nightmare. How much trouble could it have been, really? Even if it meant temporarily unloading half of the cargo onto the tarmac to accommodate this emphysematous woman's need to breath, could such an unplanned logistical feat have taken more than seventy minutes worth of man-hours to get at the thing?

I'm sure anyone who's flown before would be at least somewhat wise to anticipate for potential delays in the world of commercial aviation. Surely seventy minutes and a few hundred bucks to ensure all your passengers are at least breathing easy seems a small price to pay- especially for a company the size of West Jet. I wouldn't personally even bother flying commercially these days... you'll not see me on any commercial plane again until they stop groping and allow smoking!

If it were me on a flight accompanying MY Mom, I'd have to do something rash in order to stop myself from strangling these deferential bozos who would dare  act as gate keepers between my Mom' and her medical lifeline. Indeed, short of cutting-off their oxygen supply with my bare hands to see how they liked it, I would've said something like, “Well fine! I'll just use West Jet's oxygen then,” before summarily pulling the emergency kit from above to administer some urgently needed breathing assistance for my Mom. I would've then followed up with a very loud, “Where's the compassion people? My Mom's dying here, and these stupid ice queens are uniformly refusing to help us!”

West Jet. With the passage of this incident they have gone, in my estimation, from being the corporate underdog darling or aviation, to micro-managed laughing stock... especially after they decided to release a new series of ads which blatantly attempts to polish the optics of their public image to a squeaky-clean luster. I cannot help but imagine you've already chanced upon these advertisements, Dear Reader, presuming of course that you watch television in the first place. I'm not big on cable TV unless you count the mini-series “Breaking Bad”, or a live sporting match, but I do consider myself to be somewhat of an outspoken critic and aspiring screen-writer. 

Thus, I present to you, dear reader, my very own rendering of the "Northeastwest Jet" employee, who by default, also happens to be part owner of this proud company- as is always emphasized and reiterated by their commercial shtick department:

NEW HORIZONS 

IN COMMERCIAL AVIATION: 

Introducing 

"Northeastwest Jet" Airlines LLC.

 

At one of many busy airport concourse kiosks?

Scene 1

CUSTOMER: (Holding Oxygen Cannister.) Excuse me kind sir, but my Mother and I are en route to Vancouver and her canister expired, so she desperately needs some oxygen back in her breathing tubes for the remainder of our air travel. Her secondary canister happens to be in the airplanes cargo hold so I was wondering if you could tell me if this airport happens to have a facility on-site where she might possibly refill her oxygen canister during our stop-over here in...

AIRPORT SERVICES KIOSK ATTENDEE: You're flying with Northeastwest Jet, aren't you? They refused to help you didn't they? Of course we have medical grade oxygen here! How do you think we refill the emergency oxygen supplies on the aircraft? Don't worry, we'll get that bottle refilled pronto! (Receives Oxygen cannister and immediately hands it to a ready associate.)

CUSTOMER: Oh thank you so much! Of course we'll be better prepared next time, and get a second regulator for the back-up tank. I'm sorry we've inconvenienced everyone with this delay, but my dear old Mom's fading fast, and needs help right away! Mom's really old and becoming more feeble each year, and the Northeastwest Jet crew just seemed too preoccupied to do anything to help us.


Scene 2

KIOSK ATTENDEE: Don't worry, it's already filled and on it's way... it's nothing at all. We hear these stories ALL the time from the Northeastwest Jet Set. I guess being part owners of the company they're all too worried about their dividends to focus on the origin of their bread and butter. Or maybe they're off fixing some rich hussy's flat tire in the parkade.

ELDERLY WOMAN (Short of breath.): Thank you young man, but I feel you're being a wee bit too pragmatic on account of my experience with those Northeastwest Jet staffers... from what I've just seen, those flight attendants are just plain fuckers! All it ever seems they're ever doing on the flight is fucking around... people pay good money to fly, and in my day, we treated the elderly with dignity, I'll tell the cock-eyed son's of heathens...(Trailing off.)




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